Marriage Tune-Up Step 1: Love Your Wife
The first step in tuning up your car is to clean or change the spark plugs. Love from you is the spark your marriage needs to run.
Paul gives instructions to husbands in Ephesians 5: 25-33, where he begins and ends with this one emphatic statement: Husbands love your wife. That’s huge, because loving another person does not come natural. It is easier when you find a girl you want to spend your life with, but it still takes effort, work, selfless sacrifice, and no slacking off. Infatuation is easy but it’s not real love, love is something you do. Loving your wife is the supreme responsibility of the husband.
In my steel fabrication business the quality of our structural steel is based on the requirements of our Quality Manual of Procedures. That quality is measured by tools that are accurate, and we know they are because they are calibrated to a specific standard testing tool that is traceable to NIST (National Institute of Standards and Testing).
Likewise, the quality of your love for your Wife also can be measured using a standard of measurement, and traceable to a Manual of Procedures. The best standard of measurement of love is Jesus, and the cross is the measurement tool. The Bible is the Manual of Procedures.
The best way to improve your marriage is to learn about Jesus, and try to emulate Him, then loving your Wife will become easier, and more natural. Study Jesus in Scripture like the books of Mark (quick fire style or writing from interviews of people who spent time with Him), or Matthew (a sinner hated by most people, whose life changed dramatically by Jesus), or John (a literary genius), or Luke (a medical doctor).
Then work on the following practical ways to love your Wife. The Bible tells you how to love her with the highest quality (not our culture, movies, books, or what Oprah or Dr. Phil says), and I have found it to be THE BEST Manual of Procedures:
- Loving your wife means you will have to sacrifice for her once in a while. Paul said in Ephesians 5:25 to love as Christ loves his church, and remember, Christ showed his love by giving everything he had, including His life for her.
- Loving your wife means helping her grow spiritually. Paul said to love your wife as Christ loves his church, those two are together. So make sure you go with your Wife to a good Bible teaching church regularly, and help her get involved there. She will stand before God one day and give an account for what she did for Jesus, help her get a good review.
- Loving your wife means not being self-centered. In the Ephesians 5:33 Paul said to love her as you love yourself, so care for her needs and pamper her just as you do to yourself.
- Loving your wife means learning her love language and “speaking” it often. Don’t know? Ask her. For example, I used to show love for my Wife by buying her little gifts and fixing stuff around the house. She told me one day, that doesn’t do it for her, she feels love when I hug her, and tell her I love her every day. Find out from your Wife how she recognizes love from you.
- Loving your wife means meeting her needs. Make sure she is telling you her needs, you’ll have to ask her…
- Loving your wife means caring for her Spiritually. Emotionally, and Physically. Work on all Three!
- Loving your wife means listening to her (with the TV off, just you and her alone). You don’t have to fix everything every time, some times she just needs a shoulder, not a wrench. Decide together where to go out to eat, go on vacation, watch on TV, etc. Listen to what she says about her day, what made her mad, or happy…
- Love her by spending time with her, and make it about her! A minimum is 15 minutes per day, one evening a week (yes, take her on a date), one weekend a year (a weekend getaway). Don’t know what to say? Here are 52 questions to ask your spouse.
- Love her by complimenting her beauty, her attire, something she has done, etc. Don’t let her reject y.our compliments, and don’t reject hers. (Rejected compliments lead to no compliments)
- Loving your wife means to put her benefit & well-being above yours. 1 Corinthians 10:24
- Love her unconditionally (don’t expect anything in return, or don’t love her only if she_____) Ephesians 5:28, you two are supposed to be like one person. Matthew 19:5 Don’t be annoyed with her.
- Loving your wife means never being bitter toward her, including when she is not there. Colossians 3:19 Build her up, never tear her down. (to her, and to others). Overlook her faults and forget her wrongs.
- Love your wife by your actions and truth. 1 John 3:18 By your kind words. Proverbs 25:11 What you do for her like send flowers, make the bed, help her fold laundry, etc. Also be truthful with her.
- Love your wife by praying for her daily, and praying with her frequently. Dinner prayer doesn’t count. In fact, pray with her about being a better husband.
- Love your wife according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 When you read it, replace the word “love” with your name…is it accurate? No? Work on making it accurate. Study this passage boys, live it out. It will greatly improve your marriage!
Please sign up for email notifications of each new post (no spam), and receive “12 Mistakes Most Christian Husbands Make” for free: